I hope that doesn't sound too fatalistic. The men in my family don't live extraordinarily long. I never knew my grandfathers, and it's sad to think that my kids will never know their's as well. My dad lived until his mid 70's which was much longer than his dad. I hope I can improve upon that and live to at least 80. Therefore, since I turn 40 today, life is half over.
On the one paw, it seems like I have been around for a long time, so 40 more years sounds pretty good. On the other paw, I can vividly remember events from my childhood and it seems like just yesterday. Oh shit! I don't have that much time left! The other sucky part is that my friends who are in their late 40's/early 50's tell me about how their bodies are starting to fall apart. That's a major concern to me. I fear getting to the point when the mind is strong, but the body is weak. That's the shitty part about getting old.
I was watching the movie "Network" a few weeks ago. If you have never seen it, rent it. It's one of the best movies ever made IMHO. It lost out for Best Picture in 1976 to "Rocky." It's the movie with the famous line, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" It has a wonderful cast like Robert Duvall, William Holden, and Faye Dunaway. In one of the side plots, the aging William Holden has an affair with the young studio executive Faye Dunaway. He makes a wonderful little speech that really hit me.
"Because I'm beginning to get scared shitless. Because all of a sudden it's closer to the end than it is the beginning! And death is suddenly a perceptible thing to me! With definable features! You're dealing with a man that has primal doubts, Diana, and you've got to cope with it. I'm not some guy discussing male menopause on the Barbara Walter's Show! I'm the man that you presumably love. I'm part of your life! I live here! I'm real! You can't switch to another station."
So all of my friends out in LJ Land, keep this old bear young. Keep telling me about the latest video game, movie, cd, computer fad, etc. I don't necessarily want to be the old guy who thinks he's 18 and embarrasses himself. I just want to be aware of the world around me. If I ever start to become "creepy old guy" at a con, let me know. I love you. I hope you love me. *HUGS*
P.S. If you own Krispy Kreme stock, you might want to dump it. I went to buy doughnuts for the office today and the store that opened just last year and it was closed.