Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours
sabotlours

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The Journey Within

I guess the ultimate question I (and many others) have is, "who am I?!?" Perhaps the question is. "Why am I the way I am." I took one psychology class in college, but I pretty much blew it off. I remember a few things, but I must say that it was probably the class I remember the least. I can't even picture myself in the lecture hall. But anyway...I suppose the last 2 years have been filled with a LOT of introspection. I have been opening a lot of doors in my mind and looking into the weird and wonderful places inside. At the same time I have been making friends with an assortment of people the likes of which I have never known. It has been a synergistic process. The more wild and wacky people I meet, the deeper I go into my own mind. And the more I reveal in this journal, the more wild and wonderful people I tend to meet!

The big question I thought about last night was about the overall value of psychology/psychiatry. We're all human and have human problems, the "professionals" included. So why do people pay $$$ to have someone analyze them? Who says that they are right? Once again, they are human as well and their brains operate in the same different manner. If there were absolutes in the medical profession, then there should be universal cures. Why is it always "9 out of 10 doctors?" Why is it never 100%? Because we are all different! And just because someone is very smart with a PhD doesn't mean they are right. I wrote awhile back about experts. Who says the "experts" are always correct? They are human. Their teachers were human. Their teacher's teachers were human. Our thinking has evolved over time. It will continue to evolve. So who's to say that what we are told today is correct or not?

Where this was leading was that I was trying to find some kernel in the past that influenced who I am today. Part of me realizes that there is a lot that happens to kids when they are 6-16 that affects them for the rest of their lives. These are external factors like bullies or teachers. I think we all realize that kids can be incredibly cruel. I was picked on some, but I also did my fair share as well. On the other paw, I did things on my own as a kid that were based solely on my own doing. There were no external influences. My parents were good, honest, church-going people yet I had a "bad boy" streak. It was more mischievous than malicious, but it was there. It's STILL there. I also did some very kinky things when I was 10 or so. I find this very interesting. I had no knowledge of strange fetishes, yet I did freaky things at that age that really turned me on. Where did that come from? There was no external influence. I just find that really fascinating. I suppose I could pay some "professional" to analyze it, but then, WHY?? It's who I am! I'd much prefer to post shit like this on LJ and have you, my friends, "analyze" me. It's free! *laughs* and I think your opinions are probably just as valuable as those of any "professional." Perhaps the psychiatrist simply poses the questions that make the person do what I am doing here, looking inside myself for the answer. Once again, I can look inside of myself for free. I don't need to pay someone to do that. Do I need to pay all of you? *chuckles* OK. I owe you all a drink at the next con. *hugs*
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