December 1st, 2003

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Running on Empty

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to get albear and dexter_fox up and out the door. We said our goodbyes, and off they went back to L.A. wuffy1970 is still at mt den, but I will be putting him on the bus back to Tulsa tonight. I have been emotionally running on empty for the past 24 hours. Expect a few angsty posts in the next few days.

Yesterday, 4 of us piled into the Bearmobile and headed down to Socorro to visit tenax. He made a lovely dinner for us. Since I was operating on about 3 hours of sleep, I crashed in his loveseat while the others played video games.

Since PFD has been running my emotional life, I have been thinking about all the things that occurred over the weekend. I've noticed that many times the character known as Sabot is totally indestinguishable from the human known as Ed. He is me, and I am him. Over the passed couple of days I noticed that Sabot has become an emotional fursuit. Deep inside is the cynical, lonely human wearing the fur of a happy-go-lucky bear. Well, the fursuit funk has been getting pretty bad, so maybe it's time to take off the suit for a little while and run it through the karma cleaners. I've started feeling like Ned Flanders when the hurricane struck and only his house was destroyed. He then unloads on all of his neighbors. I have this urge to just bitch-slap so many people and tell them to get a clue. I have this urge to not give a fuck about other people's emotions anymore. If you don't like it, there's the friggin' door! Maybe I should just take and take and take and then move on. Yes! Bear spirit is starting to hibernate. Maybe he just needs a long nap.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained