Beware Exploding Bear
I was sitting at my desk this morning when the division chief walked in and started chatting with me. She was telling me that she had a conversation with our personnel person and that they were going to re-advertise one of the positions that wasn't filled, the one I didn't get a few weeks ago. There were 2 positions available. They filled one, but the second one was not filled because the person they offered it to turned it down. In a world full of unicorns and rainbows, the job should have gone to the next person on the list. Me. Obviously that didn't happen. So I was encouraged to once again put in my application the next time the position popped up. It was at this point where I lost it.
For the next 15 minutes or so I completely unloaded about my frustrations about this whole process and my job in general especially my oh-so-perfect type-A supervisor. I let her know that I refused to be subjected to more humiliation by applying for job after job only to be rejected due to someone's personal agenda. I was through. I would be happy to just sit back and do my job for the next few years and not worry about stagnation. It would make no sense to excel or put in extra effort because it would still never be enough. There was essentially no incentive to put go the extra mile because there would never be any reward or recognition.
As I ranted away I could see her eyes get big and her jaw slowly start to drop. When I was done she told me that she had no idea I had felt that way nor did she know of previous episodes before she got her position. Her predecessor was truly horrible in terms of personnel issues, and I had been burned several times before. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when my supervisor gets back from her vacation (where she is hopefully being raped by lovesick capybaras). I guess a co-worker had also gone off on her a few months back. Even the division chief acknowledged that my supervisor was a little high strung. So at least my feelings are known and out there. It was quite amusing that the topic of our safety meeting right after this was stress. The signs of stress in the workplace read off like my own personal checklist. I guess it's time to do some breathing exercises.