Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours

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The Gay Continuum

This is an observation I have made over the past few years. It is based on the stories of several friends I have met over the years. It is by no means a scientific study, merely an observation. It is also not meant to imply that there is a gay guy lurking in the soul of every straight guy just waiting to burst forth.

I had developed a metaphor for a good number of my gay friends. Just like the universe we see every night when we gaze up at the stars, we are really seeing snapshots of time from when the light from those stars reached the Earth. I can look at my friends and see how they are all going through similar experiences at various times in their lives. One of these experiences is the final denial of their true state and coming out to their spouses. It seems a common experience that the gay man will try to play the straight card as long as possible. There are many "lucky" ones who are secure with who they are or grew up in a tolerant environment that never had to deny who they were. For many, however, the social stigma was too great and they plowed ahead pretending to be straight. This sometimes went as far as even marriage. This was brought out in "Brokeback Mountain," and as seen in the movie, it not only brings misery to the man repressing his sexuality but also to the woman who thought she was entering into a normal heterosexual relationship and later finds herself on the fringe with a very unhappy mate.

As I mentioned above, I have many friends at various stages in this type of relationship. I have friends who came out to their wives and later divorced. They are now happily living the gay lifestyle. I have friends who have just recently come out to their wives or who are teetering on the brink. They are going through very hard times. To those that have just come out, there is the sadness of a lost love, but at the same time there is the joy that they no longer have to deny who they really are. Finally there are those friends that are plowing ahead with a heterosexual relationship even though their true feelings are being squelched. I hope that they make the right decision down the line. History says that the relationship is doomed to failure. Now some of you are looking at me and saying, "But Sabot! You have a girlfriend yourself! Why don't you practice what you preach!" Well, there is no denial with my mate. I must say that it is a great thing to have Kitty with me in that she protects me from society's prejudices against gays. In one sense I am living a lie, but as long as that lie is not to her, I really don't care. I am one of the lucky ones. I have found someone of the opposite sex who isn't bothered by traditional gender roles and we can let each other be who we are. It's a very free feeling to tell your mate that you had sex with mutual friends over the weekend and that it was ok. Granted, this type of relationship may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it seems to make more sense than having years of a relationship fall apart after an act of infidelity because something was denied to one partner.

I suppose I could add one more category to my list; the asexual. There are a few friends who claim to be hetero but who set off gaydars right and left but who continue to pursue a hetero relationship, although half-heartedly and/or with limited or no success. I have played that game before. It's best to look deep into your heart and see if that's what you truly want or if you're just trying to do what others want. Be true to yourself.
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