Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours

Thoughts About Death

Kitty and I will be heading off to San Jose tomorrow for her mom's funeral. The gallows humor in my head makes me want to take a fursuit. Nah. I'll save that for my own funeral. Who do you think I should wear? Nevada? ;oP

Over the past few days I have been thinking about that line from one of my favorite movies, "Network." William Holden is having a mid-life crisis and has this wonderful soliloquy. It goes something like, "..the end is closer than the beginning and death starts taking on real form with definable features." I should just go back in my LJ history because I used the exact quote in a birthday post a few years ago. Don't get me wrong. I'm not becoming fixated on the concept of death, but I have been surprised in that the thoughts of it keep creeping into the back of my mind. I'm much more conscious and fearful of having that massive heart attack where no one is around to call for help. I start thinking about how much it would suck to have some random drunk driver t-bone me at an intersection. I see it all the time on the news. One minute you're doing your own thing, living your own life, when some random event snuffs you out in an instant. That's certainly not fair!

These recent thoughts about death are a far cry from when I overheard some Christian co-workers talking extensively about what happens when you die. This was about 18 years ago. It made me depressed for days afterward with me trying to wrap my brain about the concept of death. Right now I'm much more willing to just accept the concept. It's a reality! As Jim Morrison said, "No one gets out of here alive!" It's a great mystery. It's the ULTIMATE mystery. I don't see why some folks want to get the answer sooner than they should. If death is a gateway to something awesome, I'll regret not getting there sooner when the time comes. If there's nothing, oh well. I won't know about it. My last thought would be, "Aw, shit."
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