Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours

A Sad Anniversary

There will be many 10-year anniversaries for me this year. Most are happy ones such as first furry con and first LJ post. There was one very sad event, however, in that otherwise happy year. It was 10 years ago yesterday that my dad died. I had been with him for the last month or so of his life as cancer ate away at his body. It gave us lots of time to talk. That's the one thing I am most grateful for. You always hear people say, "Oh! If only I had time to tell him/her..." When he passed, there were no regrets. He knew I loved him and I know he loved me. Of course I wish he was still here. It eats me up when I hear the loneliness in my mom's voice. She still tears up when she thinks about him.

His death was significant at that time in my life because it was that time when I was seriously re-discovering myself. There certainly is something to the Oedipal thinking that a boy must (figuratively) kill his father to become his own man. I know with him not there looking over my shoulder or me looking to him for approval, I was able to break away to become the freak I am today. *chuckles* I know I reared up and gave a paw to the face to my uncle last year when he tried acting like a father figure in a disciplinarian way. I told him he needed to back the fuck up because I was not the little boy he tried to make me. On the one paw I miss that close relationship I had with family, but on the other paw family can be very over-rated when its a place where you're always judged by how well you stack up to everyone else.

So I still miss you, Dad, after 10 years. I wish you could be here watching me fursuit and make people happy. You helped me into fursuit back in 1985, so I think you might find it funny even today. I'd also like to thank those who helped me get through this time 10 years ago. Some have vanished. Some have faded (miss you berin). And some are still great friends (love ya dexter_fox)
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