Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours

The Burden of the Papabear

Last night was our annual furry Xmas party. Many thanks to scritchwuff for hosting and providing tasty ham. Kitty and I were grateful for not having to worry about another event at FurCenrtal. Scritch discovered the "curse" of our local furmeets; he ended up with more food than he started with. *lol* We have a really generous bunch who bring tasty treats, but by the end of the evening there was a bunch of cookies and pastries that still needed to be eaten.

The other great thing about our group is that we have been drama-free for almost 10 years. Oh sure, there has been a little bubbling under the surface, but nothing of the likes which came to a head last night. We have a fur who is a textbook definition of Asperger's. I read the symptoms somewhere online and it reads like a checklist for this fur. Needless to say that he is highly annoying to the other guests at meets. He has confided in me at previous meets that he gets no love from his parents and all of his other social interaction outside of furmeets is through Second Life. A few months ago he got kicked out of a community on SL and actually contemplated suicide over it. Real suicide, not cyber suicide. So while I would like to ban him from meets since he makes other guests uncomfortable, I feel like I also have a duty to help someone out. We have other people in the group that are borderline "special" but they conduct themselves in a more socially accepted manner. Once again, these folks have told me in confidence that they are appreciative of finding a place where they can be relaxed and feel welcomed. The fur in question told me that he looks up to me as a Papabear, so I don't want to just shun him and shut him out seeing as this could be his only social outlet.

So last night he crossed the deadly "no means no" line and things nearly exploded. The other parties involved are some of dearest friends, so if the choice came down to "him vs us" it would not be a choice at all. Once again there are the classic symptoms of the disease in that he has no clue that he is crossing a line or can pick up the uncomfortableness of the other parties involved. We took him aside and had a very long talk with him as the party was winding down. We told him that he needed to just leave the other parties alone or things will get ugly very quickly. If people stop showing up because of him, then the choice will have to be made. I know other groups have had similar problems with this issue. I guess it's just one more mine in the furry minefield. I had given up on the fallacy of "furry love" a long time ago. I definitely feel it, though, at gatherings when everyone is having a good time, but the whole "accept everyone no matter what" is just something unattainable. doG knows I try, but I also have my own life to live. I'm not going to surround myself with the bottom of the reject barrel and be a martyr. I'll leave that up to people like Jesus. I don't have the patience of a saint. Trying is the best I can do.
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