Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours
sabotlours

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"Freedom of Choice"

In ancient Rome, there was a poem
About a dog who found two bones.
He picked the one, and licked the other.
He went in circles and he dropped dead

"Freedom of Choice"---Devo

This song had been rolling around in my head for the past few days. My road to self-discovery has been a very interesting one. I have made so many changes in my life during the past year that it is truly amazing. One thing i have learned is that many choices are double-edged swords. They can either cut through barriers or end up cutting myself. I think I should get a picture commissioned of bear holding a ying-yang symbol. For all things good, there is a little bit of bad, and from all things bad there is some good.

Of course my latest decision to make a commitment to overzen has been such a decision. I scare myself when I realize just how short of a time we have really known each other. Last year when I fell for dexter_fox we had known each other for about 5 months before I felt such strong emotions for him. Then again, I was still trying to deal with my furrieness as well as sexuality. I come into this relationship with a new confidence and self-assuredness that was unknown last year. I do have to deal, however, with the new question of what type of relationship do I want. Also fitting in there is where I want my place in the fandom to be.

I see there are/were 2 different paths I could have traveled. One was the one I am currently heading down; finding a single mate that I can be happy with in a long term relationship. We can do things in the fandom together and enjoy many friendships. I can still be the kind, caring bear, although it would be more in mental support and comfort. I had been going down the other path which also had very nice scenery. I could travel the country visiting numerous furs. I could partake in the pleasures of yiff and provide physical as well as emotional support. I could provide a "no-frills" relationship. You need love, I have love, lets get together. I just feel that this type of relationship would have left a hole inside of me. It would be more exciting, but also a bit more risky.

Fortunately, the fallout that perro predicted has been relatively small. A few furs have expressed their disappointment in missing out on the bear. Some have expressed jealousy even though we may not have even met FTF before. I was still worried about a few relationships that I think can still sail on. My goal was never to set any body up. My emotions were genuine.

I guess another song lyric has also popped into my head while I thought about all of this stuff.

Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.
"Stairway to Heaven"----Led Zeppelin
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