Sabot L'ours (sabotlours) wrote,
Sabot L'ours

A Trip to the Hospital

For the first time in my 53 years, I was admitted to the hospital yesterday. No worries. It was just for an outpatient procedure. Everything is fine. There comes a time in every man's life when he has to have something shoved up his butt (and I'm not talking about a furry con). So here's the story about my trip to the doctor.

Since I passed the magic 5-0 mark a few years ago, it has been suggested that I get a colonoscopy. I have had the "magic finger" test a couple of times, but a colonoscopy was recommended. I got somewhat mixed signals from my new doc since research might be showing that colon cancer is not as deadly as first thought. He said they are finding cancer in people who have died from other causes and that the cancer was just in there and not affecting the health of the person. They are also coming out with new tests where you poop in a cup and mail it to a lab where they test for cancer markers. Boy! That sounds like a shitty job *rimshot* Oh! I said rim! *double rim shot* So like I said, I have never been admitted to a hospital for anything. I had my fill of hospitals when I took care of Kitty during her ordeal a few years ago. I was in no hurry to visit one again. But now that the test is under my belt, it wasn't bad at all.

The fun starts 3 days before the test when you can't eat nuts or corn. Yes, I did the Fat Bastard joke of "I don't remember eating any corn!" It was a little rough since every day I grab a handful of trail mix when I get home from work which contains nuts and seeds. Then a day from the procedure you go on a liquid diet. So for more than 24 hours my food consisted of chicken broth and Jello. Finally the real fun starts when you have to drink a gallon of what I'm calling really bad Gatorade. This stuff cleans you out. I had visions of spending hours on the pot, but it wasn't that bad. Before you know it you're pooping nothing but liquid. But it wasn't nearly as bad as having the flu. Finally it was time to head off to the hospital. Everything was smooth sailing. I got checked in. They ran my vitals. I got my oh-so fashionable hospital gown, and waited to be brought into the room. They had inserted an IV line into my arm. The doctor came in, introduced herself, and said "OK. Here we go." And I was out. Damn! One minute I'm looking out the window and the next I'm looking at Kitty in the recovery room. That must be similar to the stuff that Bill Cosby used. I was supposedly awake the whole time, but I sure didn't know it. I was back home within 3 hours. They found 2 polyps and sent them off to be tested. Hopefully they're benign. The bottom line (Oh! Another butt joke! *rimshot*) is that if your doctor recommends that you get the test, it's really no big deal. No, my ass wasn't sore at all. It has been a lot worse after a con *snerk* There were no side effects to the drugs except for wanting to take a nap in the afternoon. And if the worst thing about the whole thing is drinking a bunch of lousy Gatorade but it means a healthy bear, it's a small price to pay.
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